Dexter: Arch, tell me a story.
Archie: All right, Pipsqueak. Settle down. This is the story of the Three Little Biscuits and the Big Bad Pup…
Dexter, rolling his eyes: Let me guess. Once upon a time, there was a big bad pup who scoffed your biscuits as well as his own?
Archie, laughing: You got it.
Dexter: Listen, I’m the baby. You’re supposed to tell me nice stories.
Archie: All right. Once upon a time, there were three little biscuits.
Dexter: What flavour?
Archie: Salmon, cheese and chicken.
Dexter: Yay! My favourites!
Archie: They were being saved for after-dinner treat. In a paper bag. Along came the Big Bad Pup and said, ‘Biscuits, biscuits, let me in!’ And they said, ‘Not by the hairs on your chinny-chin-chin!’
Dexter: Arch, biscuits can’t talk.
Archie: These ones can. Anyway, the Big Bad Pup said, ‘I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll chew a hole in the bag and scoff you.’
Dexter: Great idea! Did the pup get the biscuits?
Archie: No, because Mum caught him stealing the bag and took it away from him. She put the biscuits in a tin in the drawer. And along came the Big Bad Pup and said, ‘Biscuits, biscuits, let me in!’ And they said, ‘Not by the hairs on your chinny-chin-chin!’
Dexter: Did the pup get up on his back legs and open the drawer with one paw, like the way byou open the door?
Archie: No. He sat and cried. And then Dad came along and opened the drawer, and took out the tin, and gave all the biscuits to the pup — who shouldn’t actually be getting treats without working for them and doing puppy training, but who scoffed them all anyway.
Dexter: Hang on. Dad would give you half.
Archie: Riiiiight. And then the Big Bad Pup would steal them…