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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 70: the one with the king of the castle

Dexter: Look at this, Arch! It’s a big pile of sand with a racetrack round it.
Archie: It’s a sandcastle, Pipsqueak.

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Dexter: What’s a sandcastle?
Archie: It’s where kids — and sometimes teens — build a castle, and what you think is a racetrack is a moat that gets filled with water when the tide comes in. Sometimes they bring buckets of water from the sea but it sinks down and never fills.
Dexter: Water to play in — yay! I love the sea.
Archie: I know, Pipsqueak. And sometimes they sing songs. I think they’re meant to stand on top and sing, ‘I’m the king of the castle and you’re the dirty rascal…’ Except you’re the rascal, Pipsqueak! Let’s have a race!

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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 68: the one with the doggies in the window

Archie: Pipsqueak! Pipsqueak! I know Chloe’s in the front garden but you can’t climb out of the win— phew. So glad Mum just heard me barking and grabbed you before you fell.
Dexter, rather sulkily from the floor: But I wanted to go out and play.
Archie: Through the front door with your lead on, only.
Dexter: Huh. You spoil *all* my fun. My life is RUINED.
Archie, realising pup is about to have a teenage strop and planning distraction: There’s a song about dogs and windows. We can go and pose for it in the conservatory and sing, if you like.
Dexter: Sing? All right, then.
Archie: How much is that doggie in the window — the one with the waggly tail? How much is that doggie in the window? I do hope that doggie’s for sale.
Dexter, flouncing: So you want to get rid of me now, do you?
Archie: Arggh! No. I would like you to stop pulling my tail when you want to play, but I’m used to you being around. It’s just a song. All right. We’ll sing a different song about windows. It’s one Mum loves by Travis. Flowers in the Window.
Dexter, still flouncing: I don’t want flowers. I want a biscuit.
Archie: I can’t open the treat tin. You’ll have to go and find Dad. He’s a pushover…

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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 67: the one with Scrabble

Dexter: So Mum’s an author.
Archie: That’s right, Pipsqueak.
Dexter: So she likes words.
Archie: Yes.
Dexter: That’s why she’s playing Scrabble in the garden.
Archie: Yes.
Dexter: We could play Scrabble with her. B-I-S-C-U-I-T — hey, that’s a 7-letter word, so I get bonus points for using all my letters!
Archie: Yeah, but you need to *have* those actual letters on your tray before you can put the word on the board. You can’t just make up any word you like.
Dexter: Hmm. I’d rather have a proper biscuit, anyway…

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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 66: the one with the punk pup

Dexter: Arch, what’s punk?
Archie: It’s that really loud stuff Dad plays that only has three chords and people shouting because they can’t sing.
Dexter: Riiiight. So why does Mum say I look like a punk pup?
Archie, laughing: Because you do, Pipsqueak. Half the time your ears are inside out, and the other half the time bits of hair stick up. And you’ve got that bit on top of your head that looks like a mini Mohican.
Dexter: But you’ve got a bit that looks all sticky-up on the top of your head, too.
Archie: Yeah. Our dad has it as well. His mum calls it ‘Bonkers Bits’.
Dexter: Haha! Right. So this punk stuff. Let’s see what the songs are like. Oh, they definitely need to change some of these titles. Smash It Up should be Chew It Up, like I’ve done with the kitchen roll inner tube and scattered everywhere. Sound of the Suburbs — well, that’d be much better as Sound of Dogs Barking. And Pretty Vacant is so obviously Pretty Spaniels.
Archie: We’re so pretty, oh so pretty — we’re spaaaaaan-yels!
Dexter: Oi! I want to be the lead singer, so I get to be in front in the promo pics…

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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 65: the one with Summer Nights

Dexter: Arch, Arch! Let’s sing. Mum and Chloe were watching Grease, the other night. We can sing ‘Summer Nights’.
Archie: Are you sure you don’t mean ‘Puppy Class Dropout’?
Dexter: Oi! I was good, I’ll have you know. It took me three classes, but I learned to play.
Archie: Haha. OK. We’ll do ‘Summer Nights’ — spaniel style.

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D: Summer woofing, had me a blast
A: Summer playing happened so fast
D: I met a dog, he was crazy!
A: Met a pup, cute as can be
D&A: Summer days, days when we play, oh and barbecues on summer nights!

D: Tell me more, tell me more
A: Is that barbecued steak?
D: Tell me more, tell me more
A: Is that dog-friendly cake?

D: We went paddling, down at the park
A: He’s annoying, pounces and barks
D: Tennis balls, they really bounce!
A: He showed off splashing around (and then he fell over the paddling pool and cried)
D: (Shut up! That was ages ago. I am so stealing your chicken later.)
D&A: Summer sun, we’re having fun — we love barbecues on summer nights!

D: Tell me more, tell me more
A: Dexter’s dug a big hole
D: Tell me more, tell me more
A: I want a sausage roll…

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 64: the one with the three little biscuits and the big bad pup

Dexter: Arch, tell me a story.

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Archie: All right, Pipsqueak. Settle down. This is the story of the Three Little Biscuits and the Big Bad Pup…

Dexter, rolling his eyes: Let me guess. Once upon a time, there was a big bad pup who scoffed your biscuits as well as his own?

Archie, laughing: You got it.

Dexter: Listen, I’m the baby. You’re supposed to tell me nice stories.

Archie: All right. Once upon a time, there were three little biscuits.

Dexter: What flavour?

Archie: Salmon, cheese and chicken.

Dexter: Yay! My favourites!

Archie: They were being saved for after-dinner treat. In a paper bag. Along came the Big Bad Pup and said, ‘Biscuits, biscuits, let me in!’ And they said, ‘Not by the hairs on your chinny-chin-chin!’

Dexter: Arch, biscuits can’t talk.

Archie: These ones can. Anyway, the Big Bad Pup said, ‘I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll chew a hole in the bag and scoff you.’

Dexter: Great idea! Did the pup get the biscuits?

Archie: No, because Mum caught him stealing the bag and took it away from him. She put the biscuits in a tin in the drawer. And along came the Big Bad Pup and said, ‘Biscuits, biscuits, let me in!’ And they said, ‘Not by the hairs on your chinny-chin-chin!’

Dexter: Did the pup get up on his back legs and open the drawer with one paw, like the way byou open the door?

Archie: No. He sat and cried. And then Dad came along and opened the drawer, and took out the tin, and gave all the biscuits to the pup — who shouldn’t actually be getting treats without working for them and doing puppy training, but who scoffed them all anyway.

Dexter: Hang on. Dad would give you half.

Archie: Riiiiight. And then the Big Bad Pup would steal them…

Publication day, Writing life, Writing news

Publication day for my 90th M&B!

I love butterflies. So I couldn’t resist writing about a butterfly specialist (gave me a good excuse for research) and an architect.

And it’s my 90th book for M&B!

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I can’t believe how fast that’s gone – 90 books in 19 years.

If you’d like to know more about the book, take a look at the book page here… and there are also buy links, should you wish to purchase 🙂

 

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts Episode 63: the one with the brown-eyed dog

Dexter: Arch, we could do a song today. After Van Morrison. Brown-eyed dog.
Archie: Pipsqueak, neither of us has really brown eyes.
Dexter: Golden-eyed dog doesn’t scan properly. Hmm. So we can’t do Nick Drake, either? ‘Black-eyed dog he knew my name…’ Awooo!
Archie: Pipsqueak, you barely answer to your name. Unless someone rattles the biscuits.
Dexter: Please? Pretty please with extra bacon?
Archie: All right. We’ll do brown-eyed dog.
Dexter: With extemporised bits.
Archie: It’s sooooo hot this week. We need ice cream. If we sing loudly enough, maybe Dad will buy us each a mini whippy cone…

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(With apologies to Van Morrison – and thanks to Chloe for the suggestion)
Hey where did we go
Days when the sun came (and it was too hot)
Down in the tree-shade
Too hot to play games
Woofing and a-running, hey hey,
Pouncing and a-jumping
In the boiling hot sunshine with
Our hearts a-thumping and you
My brown-eyed dog
You, my brown-eyed dog…