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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 43: the one with My Bruvver (by Archie)

(With more apologies to Terry Scott)

Who keeps me awake at night,
Who can’t inhibit his bite (and those teeth are sharp, I tell ya),
Who’s an utter, utter fright?
My brother!

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My brother says it wasn’t he
Who dug all the holes that you see —
My brother said that it was me…
My brother’s rotten!

Who likes to play with a tennis ball,
Who likes to play rough and tumble brawl,
Who drives me right up the wall?
My brother!

Who thinks that I am the best (well, Mum does as well),
Who’s a Pipsqueak and a pest,
Who am I rude about in jest?
My lovely, lovely brother…

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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 42: the one with My Bruvver (by Dexter)

With apologies to Terry Scott

Who taught me about toasties,
Who says if you scratch you’ve got fleas,
Who laughs at me when I sneeze?
My brother!

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My brother says it wasn’t he
Who scoffed the cake meant for Daddy —
My brother said that it was me…
My brother’s rotten!

Who lets me play with his squeaky ball,
Who taught me how to come when they call,
Who do I drive up the wall?
My brother!

Who doesn’t mind when I want to play-fight,
Who do I cuddle up to at night,
Who doesn’t tease me about my height? (Well, not much – he does call me ‘Pipsqueak’)
My lovely, lovely brother…

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Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 41: the one with the favourite things

(With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein)

Raindrops on roses and pulling up carrots
Digging the lawn up and squawking like parrots
Jumps on the trampoline, then some pouncing
These are a few of my favourite things

raindrops on roses

Toasties and porridge and scrounging some salmon
Barbecued chicken and honey-roast gammon
Frisbees and tennis balls with their bouncing
These are a few of my favourite things

Raggies and squeakies and things that have rattles
Cuddles and kisses and playfighting battles
Hiding behind the armchair, then more running
These are a few of my favourite things

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When Archie growls
And my teeth sting
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, episode 39: the one with the mini-me

Dexter: Everyone says I look like you, Arch.
Archie: That’s because we have the same dad.
Dexter: What’s a mini-me?
Archie, sighing: Someone who looks like you and acts like you, but is littler than you.
Dexter: I get it. I’m your mini-me.
Archie, wincing: Yes, Pipsqueak.
Dexter: So I have to copy you. Like when we do Neighbourhood Watch Dog duty.
Archie: Yes.

ep 33-01 neighbourhood watch dogs

Dexter: And napping on the sofa.
Archie: Yes.

ep 33-02 napping

Dexter: And lying like you do on the floor.
Archie: Yes.

ep 33-03 on floor

Dexter: And having gorgeous golden eyes…

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, episode 38: the one with the ice cream [video]

Archie: Pipsqueak! Hear those chimes? That means it’s the ice cream van!

Dexter: What’s ice cream?

Archie: Something we have once a year at the beach or if the ice cream man comes round. It’s the yummiest thing ever. We’re not allowed it very often because it’s bad for your teeth. We get a baby-sized cone – well, I will. Yours might be a bit smaller. You don’t want to get brain-freeze, not when you have a Very Little Brain…

Dexter: Oi!

(two minutes later)

Archie and Dexter: Yummmmmmm…

(And, because film really shows it better…)

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, episode 37: the one with the conservatory

Dexter: Arch, Arch! I can see you but I can’t get to you! Help!

ep31-01 conservatoryArchie: Pipsqueak, you went through the Wrong Door. You’re in the conservatory. I went through the back door and now I’m in the dining room. You’ll have to get Dad to let you through. I can stand up and open the back door, but I can’t open this one…

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 36: the one with the first visit to the seaside [video]

Dexter: Arch, what’s the seaside?

Archie: It’s a brilliant place, Pipsqueak. We can run and run. Well, Mum and Dad will put you on a long lead to keep you safe, but I can run.

Dexter: Like the park and the river?

Archie: Better. You can dig without being distracted, and you can jump at the waves in the sea. And there’s a cafe that sells warm sausage rolls – we get one before we go home!

Dexter: I like sausage. Yum.

(Car ride – this time, Dexter doesn’t yell all the way.)

Dexter: Wow! The smells! The feel of sand underfoot! (I can dig! Dig!! Dig!!!) 

(Dexter enjoys playing ball and running.) 

Dexter (running to the sea and following Archie in) : yay!

Archie: I told you how much you’d love it here, Pipsqueak.

Dexter: After a long day running and jumping (and your first sausage roll from the beach cafe), there’s nothing better than curling up with the parents and your brother on the sofa and having a nap…

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Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, episode 35: the one with the chicken wire

Dexter: Arch, Arch – why are the parents putting chicken wire everywhere?

Archie: Why do you think? It’s not as if they’re fans of industrial chic.

Dexter: Yeah, you said Mum likes Pre-Raphaelite stuff. Edward Burne-Bones and DG Bones-etti. That’s prettier than chicken wire, though she’s put it on the wall so I can’t chew it. (Sighs heavily.) I was having such a great game hiding from you. I was going to leap out and say ‘raaaah!’.

Archie: Oh, Pipsqueak. That’s why. They thought you were too big to squeeze behind the piano; when you suddenly disappeared behind it, that made Mum panic. I know you came out backwards, but they’re worried you’re going to get stuck. They also think you’re going to trash the wires behind the TV, the way you trashed the patio vegetable garden — which is why that is all behind chicken wire now, too.

Dexter: Chicken wire spoils all the fun…

ep20-01 puzzled pup

Archie: Pipsqueak, just run round the recycling bin, jump out and yap ‘Surprise!’ at Mum. That’s what I used to do when I was your age. She thought it was cute and gave me extra fuss and treats.

Dexter (learning furiously) : Yum. Treats.

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing news

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 34: the one with Underneath the Archie… [video]

Dexter: Hey, Arch – I heard this song, the other day. ‘Underneath the Archie’, I think it was. And it’s given me a great idea for a game. You stand there and pretend to be a bridge. I’ll walk underneath you, carrying a tennis ball. And then I’m going Underneath the Archie… Hahaha! Geddit?

Archie: Oh, Pipsqueak…