Dexter: Arch, what’s a haircut?
Archie: Horrible.
Dexter: Riiiiight. But what’s a haircut?
Archie: It’s where Mum lures you into the utility room with a biscuit — and then she shuts the doors. And then she gets out the clippers and shaves your hair.
Dexter: What, all of it? So you’re bald, like Dad?
Archie: No. You still have hair. Just it’s a lot shorter. Dad doesn’t have much, so when she put the clippers on him there isn’t any hair left.
Dexter: We share clippers with Dad?
Archie: No. We have our own clippers. I hate having haircuts. It takes AGES. And it’s not very dignifying.
Dexter: Do you get sausage after?
Archie: Hmm. We might get ham. We only have cold sausage right now because of puppy class.
Dexter: Ham’s good. Go and have your haircut, then ham it up — geddit? — so we both get ham.
(Post haircut)
Archie: You know what everyone’s going to say, now my hair’s as short as yours. They’re going to say you got shrunk in the wash… And you’ve got your eyes closed. Honestly. What have I taught you about posing for pictures, Pipsqueak? Eyes open and look sad. (Then everyone feels sorry for you and sends treats.)