Dexter: Tell me a bedtime story, Arch.
Archie: I’m trying to go to sleep, here, Pipsqueak.
Dexter: Pleeeeeeease? Pretty please with extra biscuits?
Archie, sighing: All right. Hansel and Gretel. Once there were two children. They went through the forest.
Dexter: What’s a forest?
Archie: Oh, yes, you haven’t been there yet. It’s lots of trees. Like the bit we walk through to the park. Anyway, in case they got lost, Gretel sprinkled a trail of breadcrumbs behind her so they’d be able to find their way out.
Dexter: Didn’t the birds just scoff the breadcrumbs, so they would’ve got lost anyway?
Archie: This is a story, not real life.
Dexter: You make Mum do that with your kibble. Sprinkle a trail from you to your bowl.
Archie: It takes longer to eat — and that means someone has to hold you for ages so you don’t scoff my dinner. Hahaha.
Dexter: And so you get all the attention. I’m not sure I still love you.
Archie: Yeah, you do. Anyway. They found this cottage made of cake and started scoffing it. A bit like you dive into my bowl like a hooligan, scatter my dinner everywhere and scoff it.
Dexter, ignoring the comment about dinner: You can’t live in a house of cake. What if it rains? It’d be soggy and collapse.
Archie, sighing: I told you, this is a story. The witch who owned the cottage came home and said they could live with her.
Dexter: But they ate her house. She must’ve been cross. Why did she let them live with her?
Archie: She had an evil plan: to fatten them up and eat them! [Does blood-curdling scary growl.]
Dexter: This isn’t a very nice story.
Archie: It’s all right, Pipsqueak. They escaped and followed the breadcrumbs home. And they all lived happily ever after. Night night.
Dexter, grumbling: That was a rubbish story…