Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak posts, Episode 59: the one with yoga

Dexter: I’m taking up yoga. Starting with the downward dog. Watch.
Archie, laughing: That’s a play bow, Pipsqueak — like the one you’re supposed to do at Puppy Class if you want to play with one of the other pups. I wish you’d do that with me instead of biting my ears.
Dexter: Mum says if humans do it, it’s called a downward dog. The aim of yoga is to relax. Strike a pose, and relaaaaaaaax.

(Dexter falls asleep while demonstrating)

Archie: That can’t possibly be comfortable. I mean, his ears are always inside out, but right now his head’s off the ground. So’s his front leg. I’d better go and squeak a tennis ball to wake him up, or he’s going to hurt, later…

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 58: the one where Dexter catches a biscuit [video]

Dexter: How do you do that, Arch?
Archie: What?
Dexter: Get biscuits to go in your mouth.
Archie: Mum throws the biscuit, you watch it, and you grab it out of the air, Pipsqueak. Easy-peasy.
(Dexter tries a few times and fails)
Dexter: I can’t do this.
Archie: Yes, you can. Watch me. Remember to open your mouth, otherwise it’ll bounce off your nose.

(Dexter watches and tries again)
Dexter: Yay!

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 57: the one with ‘the trouble with porridge’

Dexter: Arch! Look! Mum’s obviously left this bowl of porridge just for me. Yum!
Archie: No, Pipsqueak! No! She’s only put it on the table while she gets her coffee. This is worse than when you nearly rolled in fox-poo this morning. Get down from the chair. I know I told you the Goldilocks story, but you really are NOT supposed to help yourse— Uh-oh. Your ID tag just clinked against the bowl. Loud enough for Mum to hear. You are so in trouble. Don’t fib to her that I encouraged you…
[Dexter is caught red-pawed helping himself to the porridge – with his face in said bowl – and is told off. New porridge has to be made for author’s breakfast.]
Archie: See. I told you she’d be cross. Now just sit and wait nicely. You’re allowed to lick your lips or even dribble over her knees, but in future just wait for her to finish her share. You’ll get your porridge.
Dexter: The trouble with porridge is that it’s so NICE…

[Author note: this was one of those super-lucky – or should I say super-licky? – shots where both dogs licked their lips at the same time; it’s not a ‘live’ pic. And, yes, Dexter really did try to scoff my porridge from the bowl!]

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 56: the one with the Very Tall Pup

Dexter: I’m getting really tall.
Archie: That’s because you’re little and you’re growing, Pipsqueak.
Dexter: No, I mean *really* tall. I can almost see out of the window.
Archie: No, you can’t. You can jump up on the sofa, but you can’t see out of the window.
Dexter: Bet you I am. Two biscuits.
Archie: Done.
Dexter: Look out of the window.
(Archie does so, and Dexter joins him.)

Dexter: See? You owe me two biscuits…

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, episode 55: the one with the hot dogs

Dexter: Arch, it’s the hottest day of my life! And it’s horrible.

Archie: Never mind, Pipsqueak. Thankfully we don’t get too many days like this. The best thing to do is lie by Mum (so you get cool air from the tower fan – I’m going to sit on the sofa so I get air from the other fan). And Mum will put a wet tea towel on us to help cool us down. 

Dexter: I normally chew tea towels, but I don’t have the energy to chew *anything* today. Or to bark at the fan. I’m just TOO HOT.

Archie: I know, Pipsqueak. Me, too. Just drink lots of cold water and have lots of naps. Once the back garden’s got some shade in it, Mum will fill your paddling pool and you can splash about… 

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 54: the one with Hansel and Gretel

Dexter: Tell me a bedtime story, Arch.
Archie: I’m trying to go to sleep, here, Pipsqueak.
Dexter: Pleeeeeeease? Pretty please with extra biscuits?

Archie, sighing: All right. Hansel and Gretel. Once there were two children. They went through the forest.
Dexter: What’s a forest?
Archie: Oh, yes, you haven’t been there yet. It’s lots of trees. Like the bit we walk through to the park. Anyway, in case they got lost, Gretel sprinkled a trail of breadcrumbs behind her so they’d be able to find their way out.
Dexter: Didn’t the birds just scoff the breadcrumbs, so they would’ve got lost anyway?
Archie: This is a story, not real life.
Dexter: You make Mum do that with your kibble. Sprinkle a trail from you to your bowl.
Archie: It takes longer to eat — and that means someone has to hold you for ages so you don’t scoff my dinner. Hahaha.
Dexter: And so you get all the attention. I’m not sure I still love you.
Archie: Yeah, you do. Anyway. They found this cottage made of cake and started scoffing it. A bit like you dive into my bowl like a hooligan, scatter my dinner everywhere and scoff it.
Dexter, ignoring the comment about dinner: You can’t live in a house of cake. What if it rains? It’d be soggy and collapse.
Archie, sighing: I told you, this is a story. The witch who owned the cottage came home and said they could live with her.
Dexter: But they ate her house. She must’ve been cross. Why did she let them live with her?
Archie: She had an evil plan: to fatten them up and eat them! [Does blood-curdling scary growl.]
Dexter: This isn’t a very nice story.
Archie: It’s all right, Pipsqueak. They escaped and followed the breadcrumbs home. And they all lived happily ever after. Night night.
Dexter, grumbling: That was a rubbish story…

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 53: the one with the balloon [video]

Dexter: Arch, what’s Chloe doing? What’s that green thing floating down?

Archie: It’s a balloon, Pipsqueak.
Dexter: So it’s like a ball?
Archie: Sort of. You leap up and head it. Don’t use your teeth or it’ll go bang. You can’t squeak it like our tennis balls. Just bop it with you nose, like you bop Mum’s new tower fan. Only don’t bark at it because that’s getting really annoying.
Dexter: So you sit and wait, and then you jump.

Archie: That’s right.

(Dexter plays balloon football… and enjoys it.)

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 52: the one with hide and seek [video]

Dexter: One, two, skip a few, ninety-nine, one hundred! Coming – ha ha, found you.


Archie: Pipsqueak, that is extreme cheating.
Dexter: But the ‘seek’ bit of hide and seek is boring… unless there’s a treat.
Archie: All right. You can hide.
Dexter: I’ve got the best place. Watch!

Archie (sighing) : Puppies. You have to be nice and pretend. It’s like toddlers — you say, ‘Ooh, where’s he hiding?’ and they just give themselves away. Except obviously puppies don’t giggle, they wag their tails…