Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 77: the one with the snow [video]

Dexter: Arch, Arch, what’s this white stuff?
Archie: It’s snow, Pipsqueak.
Dexter: It doesn’t smell. It doesn’t taste. But my paws are cold – and it’s skiddy!
Archie: The first time I saw snow, I was five months younger than you are now. And we had a trampoline. Snow’s fun.
Dexter: I’m cold. I’m going in for a biscuit and a cuddle.

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The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 76: the one with Side by Side


Dexter: I hate the Halti, Arch.
Archie: So do I, Pipsqueak. But it’s your fault. You will *pull* on the lead. (And you’re the one who lived with huskies when you were super-tiny. They clearly taught you something before you joined us.)
Dexter: You pull as well. Especially when there’s someone you want to say hello to.
Archie: Mum isn’t going to budge on this. When we pulled her so she skidded on that patch of mud, she told Dad she thought we’d pull her over — especially now it’s icy — and she’s worried she’d hurt her wrist again. So we’re on Haltis for ever.
Dexter: We could promise not to pull.
Archie: We could — but the first interesting smell, or another dog to greet, and you know we’ll forget.
Dexter: At least we’re together. Side by side.
Archie: Even if your ears are  inside out. Hey. Got a song for ya.

Oh, we don’t like porridge with honey
We’re very waggy and funny
And we’ll wa-alk along
Singing a song
Side by side.

Mum, she is mean with the Halti
Because our walking is faulty
But we’ll wag our tails
Cos she’s our fav’rite female
(Dexter, scandalised: Arch, don’t sing that in front of Chloe!)
Side by side.

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 75: the one with Oh, I Do Like To Be Beside the Seaside…

(With apologies to John Glover-Kind…)

Archie: We didn’t get our New Year walkies by the sea, Pipsqueak – thanks to lockdown and the weather. So let’s look back at last summer in our favourite place. We can sing about it…

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Every dog delights to have a doggy holiday
Down beside the side of the silvery sea.
We’re no exception to the rule, in fact, if we’d our way,
We’d reside by the side of the silvery sea.

But when you’re just a spaniel you can’t drive out to the sea
You have to wait and plead
Until the parents agree
You save up all your biscuits so you can have a packed tea
(Archie: Unless the cafe’s open and you can beg a sausage roll)
Then away they take you to Wells-next-the-Sea…

Oh! We do like to be beside the seaside!
We do like to be beside the sea!
Oh we do like to stroll along the Prom, Prom, Prom!
(Dexter: Arch, there isn’t a prom, just endless sand and dunes!
Archie: Shh, Pipsqueak, it’s the chorus!)
Where the brass bands play, “Tiddely-om-pom-pom!”
(Dexter: Arch, there aren’t any brass bands, either! Just dogs.
Archie: All right, Pipsqueak…)
Where the other doggies say, “Woofity-wuff-wuff-wuff!”

So just let us be beside the seaside!
We’ll be beside ourselves with glee,
And there’s lots of dogs beside,
I should like to be beside,
Beside the seaside,
Beside the sea!

Archie and Dexter, Pipsqueak posts, Writing life

The Pipsqueak Posts, Episode 74: the one with the New Year


Dexter: Arch, Arch, what’s New Year?
Archie: It’s the first day of the year, Pipsqueak. Your first new year (just as this was your first Christmas).
Dexter: And?
Archie: Usually we go to the beach.
Dexter: Running around, playing with lots of dogs, jumping in the waves, then going to the cafe so the parents can get coffee and we get a hot sausage roll.
Archie: Yes. But not this year. We’re back in lockdown. So we’re home. Naps on the sofa. Oh, and we’re supposed to make resolutions.
Dexter: What are resolutions?
Archie: They’re things you try to do in future so you’re healthier and happier.
Dexter: That’s easy. More walkies — and more snacks.
Archie: I think Mum would prefer you only to eat food in future. Not the tea towels, not the corner of her favourite tablecloth you chewed this morning, and definitely no more scourers.
Dexter: You have to admit, it was great having chicken and mash three times a day.
Archie: Yeah, but Mum in worry mode is like the worst thing ever. We need to give her more cuddles to make up for it.
Dexter: Then that’s my resolution. More walkies, more snacks and more cuddles.
Archie: That’s a good one. I think humans ought to do that, too — well, when they’re allowed to hug again. Happy New Year!